Today didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I like to be in control and I don't get to be very often. So when my plan was to head to my children's paediatrician and tell him that I am pretty sure Jack has Autism Spectrum Disorder, just to make sure we were on the same page of where we think Jack is at, I was thrown for a loop. Our paed turned to me and said "so what therapy funding are you getting?"... I say "well we need a diagnosis of autism to get that funding".. his response "he has the diagnosis, he has Autism". Yes people, defining moment. This is not the day I was meant to hear that. I was somewhat prepared to hear it in 2 months time when he has his assessment at the hospital. But today? Like this? It was a strange relief, but it was also a shock. Now I probably have you confused. I have me confused. I am relieved, yet there is the grieving that I thought I dealt with months ago.
I guess I won't forget this day. The day after my mum's 13th anniversary of passing, I get told in black and white, on paper and from the Doctor's lips, that my son has AUTISM. Yes, yes, I know I've discussed it before like it was just a matter of fact, but now it's not a possbility or a probability, it's a definite. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I said to our paed "you have to laugh hey or you'll just cry". He said he couldn't believe that all this could happen to us. And so he wants to investigate the genetic side of things. Thus we are on the trail for genetic testing as well.
This post will be a bit discombobulated as I am feeling discombobulated.
I think my husband is being more affected by it. It's like he's lost that spark at the moment. He's still making those corny jokes, but there's this look in his eyes, I can't quite explain.
I think I'm best to go for a walk now. Liam and I love our walks together. I NEED it now.
Will blog a bit more later. As I said, I'm just discombobulated. Man I love that word. Try and use it in a sentence today people :-)
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