Wordless Wednesday.... Liam boy in Miracle World edition Part Two!!

Joining Trish @ My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday *insert big smiley face*.

Ok so I'm going to cheat and I am going to type a few words here.

These photos are of my eldest son Liam who today for the first time in his life walked "independently".

I can't thank the Cerebral Palsy Alliance/Go Mobility and The Lion's Club enough for giving my son this amazing chance to feel closer to normal. To be able to walk among us....

And somehow I am having trouble loading the video so here is the youtube link HERE

Thankful Thursday blended with Things I Know... The Knight in Shining Armour Edition..

I am joining Kate from Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday and Shae from Yay For Home for Things I Know... I just hope this isn't against blogging laws *shifty eyes*
And this Thursday I am ever so thankful for my husband... I Know This.
Well I am grateful EVERYDAY for him being in my life. But today I thought I'd shout it from the rooftops! Ok this isn't a rooftop, but damn it has more reach *insert winky and nodding face*.

My Knight in Shining Armour, he...

• is always helping out with the children at the 'witching hour'. We tag team the bathing of the muskateers, the feeding, the putting to bed
• gives me the most passionate embraces... they're not just hugs, they go to a whole new level
• gets up in the night to Liam, and the other two are my allocated night 'buddies'
• cracks the most corniest, crappiest jokes when I'm not in the mood for them.. then I realise my mouth is breaking into a grin.. sly bugger 
• listens to me and I mean really listens to me (or at least he's good at the facial expressions for it..)
• encourages me in whatever dreams or pursuits I desire
• has been through so much with me and has kept my head above water so many times
• never puts me down.. well not unless he's literally picked me up *snort*
• understands what my day entails and doesn't expect a spotless house, with all the chores done and dinner on the table.. lucky because otherwise I'd disappoint him *even louder snort*
• is 6 years younger than me, but he can be mature beyond his years.. sometimes...

So I thought I would add some photographs of this amazing man that I am Thankful for and that I Know...

Yep so loving, so caring and so mature...



But no, really, he is an adoring daddy..

And a very loving husband..

The one thing I definately know is...

I am so damn lucky to have him *cue corny sigh*

But no, really I am.

Wordless Wednesday.... Taking off the 'Mummy hat' and going all rockstar on that..

Join in with My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday, it's a lot of fun *insert a big smiley face*

Cherishing Your Cherubs Project Monday Link Up: Record...

The last few days I've been in a funk word wise.
 I just can't seem to gather up my 'blojo' (that's blogging mojo to those not familiar with the term). But I always have photographs and they speak volumes.

So in today's blog post which is part of a link up (The Cherishing Your Cherubs Project) with the gorgeous Naomi from Seven Cherubs, I decided I will place a display of my cherubs in all their glories... laughing, crying, sleeping. I think if you don't have time to make a record of your children via the written word or scrapbooking, there is always the 'quick pic': using your mobile phone to snap random acts of your child/ren being themselves... not posed, not a 'professional' photo shoot... just pure, honest, raw images that show nothing but truth and thus their beauty. 

Liam, my five year old, just finished the last morsel of his favourite delight: cheesecake. And was told "there is no more".. He is quite passionate about it. If only there was an endless supply hey mate?!?

I added a photo of Liam crying and angry because everyone who knows Liam will not know this face. His 'public face' is always so bright, with a look of blissful happiness. Although I do know the face in this picture well, as it is one of his forms of communication... I mean how else is he going to say: "But mum I want more, I bloody love this stuff".

Evangeline adores her food. She is such a good eater and it shows in her deliciously fleshy belly, thighs and cheeks, which I love to no end (and I like to nom nom nom on). She is quite independant too and gets somewhat upset if I don't let her hold the spoon or explore the bowl. Meal times are always messy with my soon to be one year old. And as she gets cheekier, the room gets messier. Luckily she's uber cute, other wise I would not let her get away with 'painting the walls' with bolognese.

Jack enjoys 'fitting' into tight spaces. All part of his sensory needs. I think it's one of his cutest traits. It is always fun seeing what cramped little area he can fit his 2 year old body into. He also loves to rub textures against his bare skin, especially on his round little belly. My favourite thing that Jack does at the moment is grab a hold of my hand and drag me into my bedroom to jump up and down on my bed. He insists I have to be there. I insist I join in. Cheeky monkeys jumping on the bed...

So there you have my first part of the Seven Cherubs Project. Please join in on this special little assignment, you won't regret it *insert winky face*

Thankful Thursday... Holding my children tight edition...

Joining Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday, because I am so damn grateful!!!

Through everything I have experienced, encountered and endured, I have come out with more gratitude than ever before.

And when I read the news headlines and I see what others have been struck with, I try to look at how lucky I am and celebrate it.

This week there has been a huge focus on the loss of a young teenage boy. Although he would be a man today, a man who his parents would have seen go through puberty, graduate from high school and either be attending university/college or being an apprenctice in a trade. But no, these things that people take for granted will never be in Daniel Morcombe's life. An evil, sadistic man ripped it away. A monster that walked the streets sniffing out his pray.

This week I looked at the loss of Daniel and all the children who have become angels, and I couldn't help but hold tight my own children. Regard every little thing about them. From the most loveable and adorable attributes to even the things that make me want to tear my hair out. I held nothing but gratitude....

• running my fingers through Jack's cornsilk hair
• breathing in Evangeline's scent, of baby shampoo, arrowroot biscuit and milk
• squeezing Liam's body in a tight embrace and kissing his bulbous cheeks
• hearing the sounds of their tiny vocal chords, even the cries and whinges were music this week

I am so blessed to have my children. And I always think about those who cannot have their own. I truly feel for those women whose wombs ache to be filled.
I am so blessed that my children have their health. Yes Liam has Cerebral Palsy, but he is a robust little guy, tough as nails with a cast iron immune system. Yes Jack has Autism, and he does suffer from croup now and again, but he also has a strong constitution. And well Evangeline is the plump picture of health with her rosy features.
I am blessed to be able to embrace my children everyday, tell them I love them (over and over and over again).
Most of all I am blessed to be able to see how lucky I am. Through the loss of Dylan, through all the different diagnoses.. through all the tough times, I have been able to see what amazing things life does offer and that I have them in abundance.
There is so much to be thankful for!!!

 So come and join me and all the other awesome bloggers who participate in 'Thankful Thursday' via Kate Says Stuff 

Evangeline.....

This is a blog post solely about my precious daughter. Because I have realised she has featured very little in this blog so far, which doesn't reflect how much I love her, as I love all my precious children equally. She just happens to not have a 'diffability', which could create a somewhat 'wallflower effect', as her brothers and their needs tend to overshadow everything else.

So here's to my Evangeline...

In 3 weeks she will be turning a year old. Where did that year go?!?

Well I tell you where it went...

• a whirl of therapies, assessments, meltdowns (from both myself and my son Jack)
• dealing with nappies and nappies and more nappies
• trying to get sleep and failing

Where does Evangeline factor into this?

• She was the one who would keep herself busy while I fed Liam and was dragged around by Jack
• She came along to every appointment and for the most part was well behaved
• She has let us experience all the 'normal' development and made us feel like first time parents all over again
• Her cute little scrunched up nose grin has melted my heart over and over again
• Her sleep started out great and then has gone down hill since teething... which means we get to sleep with her in our bed (which in someways I secretly love)
• She has grown so quickly and is the reminder I need that life flies by at break neck speed and that I need to slow down and enjoy every little thing, rather than rush to the next stage

Evangeline is the breath of fresh air in our house. She is also the banshee scream that pierces our ears. I love every inch of her plump and dimpled being. Although I could do without her pulling my hair strand by strand at 2 in the morning.

Before Evangeline... I can't even imagine a time before Evangeline. It is like she has always been here. Although I do have a vivid memory of the 'big ultrasound' when I was 20 weeks pregnant with her.. The sonographer pointed to the screen and I just knew when I saw the 'burger' that she was a 'she'. "It's a girl" announced the tech and I squealed with delight, grasping my good friend Nic's hand. Nic and I both chimed together "Evangeline!". The tech looked up, surprised "You already have a name?". Indeed! Jack would've been an Evangeline. I had the name picked out for a few years. It means "Good news". And hell yeah, it was good news and she has been nothing but good news since.

Here is a shameless array of photos of my gorgeous baby girl. I am so blessed....

The 'Burger'!!!

*sorry Evangeline you will kill me for this in about 12 years time

My first hold of Evangeline

Cute as a button!!!

A photograph my sister took when Evy was 3 months old

Everyone say "aaaaaah"

In the ball pit

My ray of sunshine

I am in love



Oh I am so lucky, so blessed. I get to nuzzle into her scrumptious cheeks. Breathe in her 'baby shampoo' scent. Giggle through games of peek-a-boo. Be the recipient of the biggest open hand kisses blown. 

I love my girl. And I'm loving how this blog post has put me in the best mood, the happiest refrain. So I better re-read this at 2am after Evy has pulled half my hair out *insert that tired winky face*  

 

Happiness is "Yellow Hat"... and your neighbour wanting to record you!?..

I am a firm believer in enjoying the 'small things'.. well actually they are small to others, but fricking huge to me!! I like to soak up all the awesomeness that occurs around me and then think about how I would write it as a 'status update' later  and just feel the wonderment of life and appreciate each day that I am blessed with.
Today I was playing with Mr Middle aka Jack, in our little ball pit in our back yard. We were surrounded by all sorts of coloured balls *er duh* and Jack says: "Yeyyow" (now this is a brand new thing and I get so excited everytime he says a word, any word!). I respond with: "Yes there are yellow balls everywhere". I am hoping he says "yeyyow bawws", but no, he says: "yeyyow.. hat". I was blown away with the fact he was stringing TWO words together, another ginormous leap in development for Jack, then I started to say "There's no yellow hat out here", when I figured this opportunity was gold for him to realise that words he says can hold so much meaning. I jump up like a woman possessed: "Yes you want a yellow hat! I will run inside and get a yellow hat! Stay there, I'm getting this yellow hat you want, that you asked for". I know how desperate this may have sounded, but for Jack with his Autism, at this point he doesn't know that with words he can actually ASK for something, and so I was keen to let him know that when he says something he is going to bloody well get it!  I think I pretty much danced my way inside the house (danced really fast though, I didn't want him to lose the meaning of the situation!) and out I came singing "Here's your yellow hat Jack!!!" and plonked it on his head. Now Jack hates, hates, things on his head. But he just slowly took it off and try to put it on my head. Ah bless, he was protecting his mummy from the sun. You couldn't wipe my smile off with a brick.
I was on cloud nine for most of the day, then...
In the afternoon out in the setting sun on our front lawn, I hung out with my three muskateers. I am Queen of Obliviousness and I don't realise how loud I am and how much the neighbours can hear me and actually listen to me! So when our bachelor neighbour sauntered on over to me whilst I was in the very lady like position of sitting with a massive leg spread on the driveway playing 'crashing cars' with Jack, and then proceeded to start a conversation that began with: "I almost recorded you the other day"... I was a little freaked out.
"Sorry? You nearly reported me?" I was worried he was talking children's services, and I was going to explain that Liam always was quadraplegic, then he repeated "I almost recorded you". I paused. Hmmm ok. I gave him that WTF look. He started to grin: "I heard you singing to your children the other day. You have a beautiful voice". I laughed "Oh dear, sorry about that. I have a shocking singing voice". I could feel my face burn into a bright beetroot. "No really, you are good. And I think you're a wonderful mum. I always hear you singing and playing with your children"... Well that is one of the biggest compliments anyone can give a mum.. not the singing *uh duh*, but the fact that someone has observed you and appreciated motherhood in it's simplest form.
I went from one 'cloud 9' to another.. ok is that even possible? Did that even make sense? Two cloud 9's? Whatever. It was a top day, as most of my days are.. even if they're not, I'll bloody well make them top! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Wordless Wednesday....

I am joining My Little Drummer Boys and Kate Says Stuff  for 'Wordless Wednesday'. Bear with me, I've never done this before and I hope I do it right *insert winky face*

These three photos sum up my three muskateers perfectly ! (sorry I put some words in woops!)

Inspirational people...

These are the people we need to let into our lives. Hear their words. Listen to their stories. Keep our faith up. Instill hope. And share the love.
Many of the people I find inspirational are those who 'keep going' despite all their challenges and traumatic experiences. Yes it is important and essential to 'break down' and 'fall apart'. But then after the initial pain, shock, trauma, it is the resilience that is inspiring.
After watching a segment on Jaycee Lee Dugard and seeing her interview, I was blown away at how 'together' she was for someone who had been imprisoned for 18 years (as well as being sexually abused), how full of love rather than hate and anger. The resilience just glowed from her. Instead of being bitter and twisted, she was full of faith, love and hope. I am yet to read her memoirs, but will have that on my 'to read list'.
Another inspirational woman comes in the form of Ingrid Poulson. I discovered her this evening on MamaMia, and once again saw that glow of resilience. In some ways it is quite contagious. I think of everything I have been through and feel empowered by the fact I am still standing, tall and proud. Albeit I have never lost a whole family through murder/suicide, but I can see what Ingrid is driving at... what is the point of it all if we are angry, bitter and twisted? It does not honour the lives that are lost, it does not strengthen our resolve, warm our hearts or give us hope. Anger has it's place, but it should be a very small place.
Hate begets hate. Love begets love.
I have made a conscious decision to surround myself with love. With people who are caring, loving, respectful, non-judgemental.
We need to surround ourselves with these elements to be the best we can be. Look at those who inspire us and see their traits and try to emulate them. Ignore the anger, the greed, the jealousy, the bitchiness.
Life can be beautiful. Life is beautiful... if we let it.

A very memorable image...

So after viewing some of my favourite artworks/images, I had a flashback to an image that had stuck in my head from an advert in a magazine I saw over a decade ago. It's funny because I was surprised they used this image when I first saw it. I wasn't sure what it had to do with the brand "United Colors of Benetton". But it definately had the effect they wanted.. I was deeply thinking about it and the image is burned brilliantly into my mind. Of course years later when this image was a part of my life, I went on the search for it. I saw it in a different light. It was representing love and beauty in its purest form. Not that I didn't get that 'feeling' from the image the first time, but I can see how amazing this image is. How brilliant it is. How I wish they would re-release this 'campaign', because we need to see these images as beautiful, not something to look away from.
Ok so here is the image I am talking about....

 I love, love, love it. 

Because it is love. Love is beautiful.

*sigh*

A poem I wrote...

The Autism Journey

My boy ambles along on a different road,

I can see him over the way,

I walk each step across from him,

Every hour, every day.

For now we walk on different paths,

but we are on a parallel route,

I am building a bridge over to him,

With love, understanding and truth.

As we step closer and closer still,

I hold my breath with anticipation,

My heart fills with pure warmth, joy,

Each foot fall nearer brings true elation.

I am blessed to be on this path,

The journey has taught me so much,

With the love and support of many,

Our world's will perennially touch.

Yeran B. copyright 2011



Night time. The best time. For connections...

The most important thing to start focussing on with a child who is Autistic is connections. Getting that eye contact. Building a strong relationship. Showing them they need other people, not as objects or tools, but as fellow humans, who they can share enjoyment and experiences with.
With Jack we are developing this sense within him through a loving and caring approach. Yes we still give him boundaries, discipline and consequences. But we join him in 'his world', sharing with him what he finds joyful and exciting. And yes, that does include spinning objects, spinning himself, lots of jumping, hand flapping and so forth.. Just imagine a grown woman jumping up and down, repeatedly saying "aaah aaah aaah" a million times, spinning around, and 'upping the enthusiasm' 200%.. and then some.
Over the last 6 months I have discovered that at night time, during the bedtime routine, Jack is most open to letting me come into his world and then letting me pull him a little into 'our world'. Each night for about 40 minutes to an hour I have spent an intense one on one session with Master Jack. No distractions. No toys. Just mum, Jack and a book. Each night we have connected a little more. The eye contact is amazing. The smiles, that aren't just random, show we are having a shared experience of joy and giggles.
I was quite surprised that the evening was the best time for my toddler. I mean most kids have had enough by beddibyes and can be quite tired, exhausted and end up being stroppy. But not my Jack. He seems to have a second wind. And now I know this is the best time to 'catch him' I have made sure that I have a good uninterrupted block of an hour so we can make the most of his enthusiasm for 'meeting me half way'.
It certainly has paid off! For a child who had no concept of 'pointing' (a huge red flag when diagnosing Autism), Jack has these past two nights pointed to several objects/things. And the even bigger news is that he was saying what he was pointing at!! I have been on cloud nine for the past 24 hours!!!  I know for most parents this isn't really an achievement to crack out the champers for... but for me and many other parents of children with additional needs this is a cause for party poppers, party hats and cocktails fairy bread !
My night times are where I meet my little man on the 'bridge' between our 2 worlds. And on that bridge magic happens.

My children's hugs...

I was discussing with my friend J about the hugs I get from my kids. Well actually they are my interpretation of hugging...
You see with Liam, he can't 'wrap' his arms around you to hug, but when you give him a cuddle you can feel his arm muscles tighten and his arms become quite stiff. I call this a massive bear hug, and I relish those from my big boy!

Liam and his bloody huge grin

With Jack it gets a bit complicated, because you may go for some close contact and he could push you away, but then later you may just be standing there minding your own when bam! Jack wraps his little self around your legs and then choofs off again before you've even realised a 'hug' took place. Then there's the times where you go to embrace him and he lets you. I call them reciprocated hugs, even though he doesn't hug back... he is letting me do it, so I take that as a huge sign of affection. Over time I've been getting more and more of those and less of the push aways. I do those hugs with Liam too because he doesn't always have the strength to 'hug' me in his way, but I know that it is reciprocated because he usually has a bloody big grin on his face :-)

Jack getting ready to bite kiss

My little girl is funny because she wants to be held but doesn't want to be hugged, if that makes sense. Everytime I go for the squeeze she wriggles about and seems to want to 'get going'. But I do get a snuggle cuddle with her when we lie down for a nap together or when she screams her way out of her cot and into mummy and daddy's bed to sleep the rest of the night.

I just love rubbing my nose into those collosal cheeks

With all three they let me smooch on their big, plump, juicy cheeks. And that is the most scrumptious part of being a mummy, for me anyways.
After describing these hugs to my friend I realised that some people may beg to differ on what I deem a 'hug' or a 'kiss' (all my children bite me when they 'kiss' me lol). I know my versions must seem so unconventional, but these 'hugs' and 'kisses' are totally normal for me and I cherish every single one of them *cue corny 'aaaaah' sound from sitcom audience*

Sharing one of my favourite pieces of writing...

I guess this 'poem' is one of my favourites because it helped me so very much when I started the journey of being a mum with a child with special needs and then again it worked its magic a second time this year when I found out my middle child was also part of that club.
It is great to read whether you are beginning the journey, already on the journey or even if you will never take this road, but would like to have a glimpse of the emotional side of it....

Welcome To Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

I get choked up everytime I read it. But I also fill with pride that I get to experience the beautiful Holland and that I am able to really appreciate all the amazing things about this place.

Those gifts for THOSE occasions...

No I'm not talking about birthdays or Christmas or even Valentine's Day (dirty minds can be left at the door for this post). I am actually talking about 'gifts' that are given to people under non celebratory circumstances...

When I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and spent a week in hospital, I had many cards sent to me, but I also had a number of gifts too. Obviously not chocolate or any sweets, instead I got a few angel type ornaments. I guess people were trying to show me that I was going to be 'looked after by the angels' and it was a lovely gesture. I was 15 years old after all. And I did love and appreciate these presents.

Giving presents at non celebratory times is just not something we think about until the time comes, and we decide to give someone something in their time of sadness, worry or fear.
Of course there is always flowers. But somehow flowers don't always express what we want to convey..

When my mum was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, the mother of my boyfriend at the time had given my mum a gorgeous little bear called 'Precious'. And that bear still holds so much meaning to me. As does another teddy bear we were given at the time named Toffee. Toffee travelled with my dad, sister and I around the world after my mum had passed away, we took photos of Toffee with us in all sorts of landmarks. I guess teddy bears signify comfort, cuddles and snuggles, and I believe they can be a beautiful offering in the right circumstance.

Today I gave a gift to a lady whose daughter has just been diagnosed with Autism. It was an Autism Awareness bracelet. Ok so she probably thought "Bottle of gin would've been better" hahaha, but no, the look in her eyes and the hug definately told me it was a good 'non-celebratory' gift. I think there are times, like when a diagnosis is given, it is sometimes a lovely gesture to give a little sunshine rather than a look of sadness or pity. I know material things don't make up for what has happened or is happening, but they certainly can puff up the spirit a bit. 

When I lost my baby Dylan, the hospital gave me a little knitted outfit that the nurses took photos of him in. That knitted outfit is such a priceless gift.   Parents who lost their babies many years ago were never given any momentos. But thankfully an amazing organisation/registered charity called Little Angels Memory Boxes have been sending out their own form of 'non-celebratory' gifts to recently bereaved parents in Australian hospitals. I wish they had been around over 3 years ago, but luckily I had that lovely team of nurses who put together a little package of photos and the outfit for me.

All the 'non-celebratory' gifts I have received over the years I have kept and I still look at from time to time. They bring back memories, make my thoughts and feelings about that particular experience valid,  they also remind me that people care for me, love and support me. 

School Reports...

We got Liam's school report (half yearly) this week. I was very happy with it. But I've noticed parents can get disheartened by the results and I wondered what was different with Liam's report to other children's... Then it hit me.. It's about expectations and once again that whole "normal" thing. I want to reassure parents that whether their child is 'acing it' or 'just passing', it is all about perspective. We need to look at the positives that are written about our children, rather than focus on what they are doing 'wrong'. Yes it's good to get an idea of where your child needs help, but to dwell on the negatives is just going to end in tears. I didn't look at Liam's report and say to myself "oh but other children his age would be doing something more..", that would just be pointless and painful. I looked at each achievement he has made and did a little celebratory dance in my head. 
I also look back at my school reports from primary (elementary) school... I sucked big time at math. BIG time! The school even arranged for a tutor/aid to help me with my mathematics once a week. I kept sucking. My mum tried to help me, but threw her hands up after awhile because I guess it was like talking to a brick wall. I just didn't get it. Fast forward to high school....
In year 8 I ended up in the 2nd top Math class.. yes people! Me! In top math! So don't look at your child's report and say "oh no this is it. This is what my child is capable of for the rest of their life". It is simply a snapshot of what a teacher has captured of that child during a few months to a year.
The world is always our children's oyster!!! Hang on! The world is everyone's oyster, no matter what age or diffability!!! Now go make some pearls people!!!

sometimes music taste says a lot about a person...

I just wonder what it says about me...
I am known to love a very wide variety of styles and sounds.
Do you think listing your top 10 favourite "Albums of Your Time" could really represent who you are?? Well I'm feeling pop/rock reflective tonight. So here goes my Top 10 (in no particular order, because that would be too hard to decide on):

• Beastie Boys        'Hello Nasty'                           1998
• Pearl Jam             'Ten'                                       1991
• The White Stripes 'Elephant'                                2003
• Radiohead            'OK Computer'                      1997             
• Outkast                'Speakerboxxx/Love Below'   2003
• The Killers            'Sam's Town'                         2006
• The Prodigy          'Their Law'                             2005
• The Strokes          'Room on Fire'                       2003
•  Garbage              'Garbage'                               1995
•  Nirvana                'Nevermind'                           1991

I do have a few favourite 'Soundtrack' Albums, but feel they don't go on the Top Ten Albums, instead they can have their own little side category (total cop out I know lol, but I want to add a few more of my favourite 'sounds'):

• Reservoir Dogs
• Spawn
• Dawn of the Dead (remake)
• Trainspotting
• Pulp Fiction

There's probably a whole heap I've missed. But these are the ones that come to mind tonight.
Now my choices were made by thinking about the albums that I have listened to many, many times and am still not sick of. That make me feel good. Make me smile. The ones that make me do a roundhouse kick in the air 'cos I feel like I could conquer the world. The ones that make me flip my hair and pout like a sexy minx, making me think I'm a sexy she-devil. And of course the ones that contain music that make me cry beautiful tears.
Ok so maybe I shouldn't limit it to 10 (or the extra 5 on the soundtrack list), because these two lists don't even begin to touch on my extensive music choices. But this is definately a good sampler *insert winky face*.

No shame...

Yes people I feel no shame whatsoever when it comes my kids or myself. In actual fact I embrace the things that set them apart from the rest.  For example today, I was out to lunch with Knight in Shining Armour and Evangeline (aka Little) and Jack (aka Mr Middle). Jack was (as my husband likes to refer to it as) stimming his balls off. Lots of rocking and humming, playing with his hands and shaking his head. Now some people may sit there and feel embaressed, thinking "Why can't my child behave normally?". But in our case, hubby and I just looked at eachother and beamed. Mr Middle was happy as can be. We could enjoy our lunch for a start and we had awesome entertainment to boot! I had no idea if anyone was watching because I never checked and quite frankly didn't give two hoots if anyone was.
I have come to this place of understanding... I do not want to have my child be like everyone else. I do not want to be like everyone else myself. This isn't about being non-conforming. This is about being yourself without harming others or yourself. This is about having a comfortable space within one's own world. So what if you need to play with your hair to feel 'safe' or if your child needs to cover their ears when the noise becomes too overwhelming. Does it hurt others to do this? The only thing it might hurt is somebody's sense of normality. But as we all say these days "what is normal?".
I say celebrate what sets us and our children apart from the rest! I say yell it from the roof tops! Embrace what makes us unique! If we as adults can show how awesome it is to do this, our children will follow suit! Maybe then we can eradicate bullying and prejudice. Oh a world where we can be excited to share our eccentricities rather than hide those quirky differences. And believe you, me, we ALL have quirks and eccentricities.

The House of Miracles and Amazement...

As any parent of a child with additional needs/ disability will know, there is bound to be some amazing unbelievable achievements by our children that we get to be blown away by. We are given a possible prognosis and then everything positive we experience after that is just fricking amazing!!
Liam for example has issues with his mouth, tongue and lips, so when it comes to food, he needs it thickened up (we feel very lucky he is able to eat orally, as tasting food is one of Liam's biggest pleasures in life). A few years ago when it came to drinking Liam could only drink out of a baby's bottle and I really thought that he would be drinking out of a baby's bottle for the rest of his life. I tried and tried to get him to 'sip' from a straw (I used a poppa and would squeeze the juice up to "tempt" him), day in and day out... and nothing, he still needed the bottle. Then one day while we were watching a dvd together and I was trying to get Liam to 'sip' from the straw, I was looking at the TV but holding the straw to his lips, I felt this 'movement' in the straw and looked at Liam, he was SIPPING!!!! You have no idea how excited I was!! Ok you might. But I seriously have the moment burned brilliantly into my memory. Angels were singing I tell you!!! A major orchestra was blaring! My heart flew to the moon and back! Reality check is that everyone in the 'mainstream' can do this, but double reality check, it wasn't a given for my son. I still get pretty stoked thinking about how my big boy Liam can sip out of a straw and hasn't touched a baby bottle since!
Ok so with the way things have been going with Jack, development has been slow, but of course waaaay faster than Liam . So I have been enjoying all the awesome milestones of crawling, walking, self feeding and clapping. Even though they've been late according to the whole 'milestone' generalisation, I have enjoyed every one of them. And now we know that Jack's course of development is unknown (haha kind of an oxymoron). We have no idea how he will progress, what will be his strengths and what will be his weaknesses (and I guess this is true of all children, no matter whether they are 'mainstream' or have 'additional needs'), but in Jack's case he may be good at a very specific thing and yet be unable to do a large number of things... we just don't know. Or do we..... Well yesterday I got a glimpse into what maybe one of his strengths. I was just chatting with a good friend who was visiting (with flowers no less, yes I've claimed all the awesome people as my friends hehehe) and Jack just started counting (toddler words but it was definite that he was counting), I looked over at him and he was reading through his counting book. WTF!?!? My son reads and counts??? Since when??? Aaaaah the beauty of Autism. He can't ask for his juice or biscuit but he can fricking count!!!! Once again my heart flew to the moon and back!!! I'm still on cloud nine with it!!
Parents of children with additional needs have moments of "why? why my child? why this?" but we have long immmense awesome sessions of "hell yeah that's awesome!!! how amazing is my kid!!!!".
I am not saying 'mainstream' children aren't amazing or wonderful... otherwise Evangeline would have my guts for garters *insert sitcom audience laughter*. But ALL children are amazing, we just get to see it in a different light. And now I get to experience this on 2 different levels. I am taking this as a blessing. I do indeed live in the House of Miracles and Amazement.

These are a few of my favourite things..

Come on sing it with me!!
 I thought I'd do a little list for tonight's blogging.. of my favourite things. Remember Carson Kressley on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and his term zhushing? Well I'm zhushing my soul today *insert smiley face here*

• Having coffee dates with my eldest son Liam. He loves it! We share cheesecake and cream as we people watch and chat (well I do the chatting, while Liam rolls his eyes laughs at my wittiness). This is a tradition we started from when he was a little wee bubba. It started at Starbucks where the wonderful people who worked there knew Liam by name and our order off by heart. It is now a bit of a rare occurance, so when I ask him if he wants to have a coffee date at the shops with me he waves his arms madly and gives me a great big massive grin.
• Spending time in "Jack World". Oh it's the business!! Whether it's on the trampoline bouncing and rolling around; or running through sheets/blankets (one of his favourite games! and it is a buzz, I recommend you try it people!); spinning around and getting wickedly dizzy (somehow he walks better than me after it); or making funny sounds/noises, "Jack World" is always fun. It's when he looks into my eyes I get this electric bolt through me, (because usually he only gives fleeting eye contact when he wants) so when he makes real eye contact, a magic connection is made and my heart fills like a balloon I almost pop!
• My lazy 'nap times' with Evangeline. We just snuggle up to eachother in bed and I feel that beautiful Mother and Daughter bond. She smiles her 'crinkled-up-nose' grin, says 'mama', and I'm complete.
• I guess I better add something about the hubby.. hahaha. Well he would totally get that. He likes to tell awful jokes and sometimes some really good ones. I love that he makes me smile at least once a day without fail. I think he especially loves the challenge of making me smile when I'm sad. And not a day goes by without some sort of double entendre joke or innuendo (in-your-endo!), and I must admit I'm just as bad at doing that too. If you can't be silly and in our case dirty, at least once a day, well that's a day wasted really.

That's just a taster of  my favourite things. I do have a long list and it will keep growing over time too. Aaaaaah I feel better already. This kind of feels like an Oprah moment. Now for your turn people! Even if it's just a list you pop down on a napkin, I recommend making these favourite things more of a concrete concept, something you can look at and smile about. It will also train your brain to think along more positive lines. We don't realise how much of our minds activity is wasted on more negative or 'blah' things and how it can affect our demeanour in our everyday lives.
Get those rainbows, lollipops and sunshine out people!!