Friday, 27 May 2011

For better or for worse...

The one thing I worry about is the divorce rate and how the chances of divorcing seem to be higher in couples who have children with special needs. This is the one thing that has been playing on my mind these past few days. I know it's strange that I haven't really thought about it much before (even though our eldest is severely disabled) as I feel my marriage is strong and solid as a rock. But since we now have two children with additional needs and extra challenges I do feel anxious that this could be the thing that breaks a solid marriage.
We all enter into marriage with the notion that it is forever and that you will go through everything together. No matter what happens you will support one another and care for one another... But unfortunately for a large percentage of couples that doesn't last. Why is that? Is it because we change and can't change at the same rate on the same path? Or is it because we try at first then start to slip and then just let go altogether? I guess in every individual case there is a different answer.
I am not saying my Knight in Shining Armour and I are having marriage problems. We are as in love and as supportive of eachother as the day we met. What I am saying is that so were a lot of couples in their relationships, but later on something changes. I want to make sure that change doesn't happen to us. Yet I am sure those couples who are divorced now didn't want to change either... it just happened....
My theory is we have to 'keep on top of things' (and no that wasn't a double entendre.. this time). Communicate on a very regular basis on what we're thinking, feeling, on what we would like and what we want to avoid. We need to be a team, as well as give eachother space to be our individual selves. We need to see the hard times as a way of becoming closer, rather than a wedge to drive us apart. We need to be more than just our kids and most importantly every couple needs to have FUN (as a couple)! This week humour hasn't been so hot in our house. And of course there is a time and a place for it, so I guess this week wasn't the right time. We need to remind ourselves that not everything in life needs to be 100% serious. I think I will wake the hubby up in the morning wearing a funny outfit or doing something a little bizarre to make him laugh.
Relationships are made up of complex dynamics. I guess there are no hard and fast rules unfortunately, due to it being part of the human condition. Oh how humans are puzzling creatures.

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