Sharing one of my favourite pieces of writing...

I guess this 'poem' is one of my favourites because it helped me so very much when I started the journey of being a mum with a child with special needs and then again it worked its magic a second time this year when I found out my middle child was also part of that club.
It is great to read whether you are beginning the journey, already on the journey or even if you will never take this road, but would like to have a glimpse of the emotional side of it....

Welcome To Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

I get choked up everytime I read it. But I also fill with pride that I get to experience the beautiful Holland and that I am able to really appreciate all the amazing things about this place.

Don't ever, ever, ever refer to him like that...

I had no idea what to title this post, but that's what I came up with. I still don't know how to feel about what happened today....
Let me start with the fact that I don't get much, if any, one on one time with Liam these days, so today I dropped the two little ones in Occasional Care at the local shopping centre and spent three hours with my big boy. Liam was stoked once he realised he had my undivided attention and that we were about to do an old tradition of having a very sweet and yummy lunch at a cafe that enabled us to people watch (one of his favourite past times). I had our good friend J with us (you know the undiagnosed Aspergers bestie I was telling you about ) and we were enjoying our delicious lunch of toasted banana bread and choc mud cake. Liam was beaming from ear to ear, but at the same time concentrating on each person that walked passed the cafe. I was mid conversation with J when a lady that had been sitting near us came up to me and said "I just want to say what a great job you do" and some other words to that effect. It all became a bit of a blur after that. I thanked her but said "I am so lucky to have my son, he's awesome... high five Liam!" and Liam looked at me like 'errr what? who the hell is she?'. Anyway I am not angry at the lady, clearly she was trying to be really lovely and nice and all that, but it made me sad all of a sudden. Like she viewed Liam as if he was a burden, almost like he didn't fully exist, because she had said all this in front of him and only acknowledged him when I said he is awesome and that I was indeed the lucky one. I felt sick because I never view Liam as a burden, he is my son! I love him to infinity! How could anyone view my Liam that way, as if he is an inconvenience?? I guess I've been living in a warm cosy bubble... I surround myself with people that see Liam just as he is... awesome! And I guess I have also blocked out these moments successfully before.... Until today. I still have a tear in my eye. An ache in my heart. I'm really hoping it's just hormones or lack of sleep.

After this incident today I then started to remember some comments from other times. Like last week when a boy of around 7 or 8 years old exclaimed as he pointed to Liam "Poor boy, look at the poor boy". I know this boy wasn't being mean, but I wanted to say "No he is not a poor boy, he is a way cool boy who loves action movies and ice cream, laughs at his siblings misfortune when they fall over, who high fives you cos that's how he rolls, not just in a wheel chair", yet I just walked away trying to push the comment to the back of my mind. Well we know what happens to 'pushed back comments', don't we?? Yep they come back out at other vulnerable times.. Like today.
Another 'pushed back comment' that came hurtling it's way to the forefront of my mind today came from a conversation I had at a children's birthday party. I was having a 'catch up' with a lady I had met years prior to having children. We had gone out to a few events where of course I was always the life of the party. Anyway I was filling her in on Jack's ASD and she responded with something along the lines of "Wow one child with CP and one with Autism, you must be having payback from all your hedonistic days in your early twenties!". At the time I gave a forced laugh, shrugging it off. When really I should've pointed out to her that my children are not a punishment. That they are the biggest blessing in my life. Did she not realise what she was saying? No I guess she didn't and she probably would be mortified if she knew how much she hurt me.
Thinking about these incidences I worry people think children and adults with Diffability are a punishment or a burden or anything so demeaning. When they are anything but a punishment! Yes they make life a bit more challenging at times, but there's a difference. And may I add that we can all make life challenging at times.. just saying *insert winky face*