No regrets...

Ok so on that train of thought, I want to quote a bizarre movie- Vanilla Sky.. "Every Passing Minute Is A Chance To Turn It All Around" . This is my way of ensuring I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever. Instead of looking at what I could have done, I can use my energy to figure out what I can do right now, right this moment to make things the best they can be. 
This has certainly come about since finding out about Jack's ASD. There have been moments where I have focussed on what I should've done differently with Jack in his first 2 years. Those moments cripple me, because I know I can't go back in time. It is also well and good having these thoughts with all the hindsight... We had no idea Jack could have Autism. 
Now I have my Vanilla Sky quote embedded in my head, reminding me that it is the here and now that I have an influence over, I can look at all the ways in which I can make things 'better' for my family. And with that in mind I had a huge light bulb the other day....
My husband had been going on about "When I make my man cave.." and I'd laugh and say "Yeah hun whatever". But this time I realised we could make my hubby's dream come true... but he'd have to wait to use it hahahahaha. My idea was to make the "man cave" but it would serve the purpose of a therapy/play room for the two boys in the mean time. You see we have a very small house and it is not designed for a child with CP or a child with Autism really. It's cluttered, it's cramped, it's only three bedrooms (and yes there is five of us!). If I wanted to do the Son-Rise Program with Jack we would need to have a play/therapy room. I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to say "If only we did that Son-Rise Program Jack would be able to function better in society".
So my goal for this year is to get this 'man cave ' happening. Any ideas on how to do it cheaply, but safely would be very much appreciated!

Going into his world...

It does seem to be what my life is about at the moment... Jack and his world. I mean I'm not ignoring or neglecting Liam and Evangeline. But I certainly have this part of me that is very consumed in Jack and his needs at the moment. I think it may be partly to do with how important this time is in his development. How integral it is for us to 'nip things in the bud'. The truth is 'Early Intervention' has proven to be of the utmost importance in the treatment of Autism or any disability for that matter. As soon as that diagnosis is given, there should be no time wasted. While their brains are growing at a very fast rate, it is vital we change the 'pathways' and 'rewire'.
In Jack's case we have to focus on Speech Therapy and Occupational Therapy (with Liam it is both of those plus Physio Therapy). At the moment in speech we are focussing on gaining Jack's eye contact and in Occupational Therapy we will be focussing on his sensory needs. Currently we meet with the therapists once a fortnight.
Now we have been lucky enough to know an amazing mum who made a trip to the United States to take part in a special program created by the Autism Treatment Center of America that has helped parents of children with Autism to 'unlock their child's mind'. It is called the Son-Rise Program. Now this is a very intensive form of therapy. Intensive, due to the extreme focus on the individual child, all day, everyday. But what I love about this program is that it is all about connections, about going into the child's world and enjoying it! Then once the child shares their world with you, you slowly pull them into our world. It totally makes sense! And I'm already seeing how it is effective...
One of the brochures my friend came back with from the Autism Treatment Center of America, was how to "Kick-Start Your Son-Rise Program". There were 3 simple techniques: 

• Spend 30 minutes a day with your child (uninterrupted)
• 'Join' your child (do exactly what your child is doing and focus on enjoying time in 'their world')
• Focus on eye contact (place all objects that you are using in the interaction close to your eyes, to create eye contact)

Well funnily enough I had already been somewhat doing these techniques for awhile and yes I had already noticed improvements in Jack. But now is my chance to step it up a notch.
I won't be able to do the intensive program. And I think Jack may do well without the intensive, but I think applying a lot of the principles as much as possible will make a great impact on him. Yet I may have to have a meeting with those in Jack's life, to educate them on how to interact with him. How to 'get into his world'.
My friend, the amazing mum who took a leap of faith and went to the States, is embarking on the actual Son-Rise Program with her beautiful son and in doing so she needs volunteers. I have offered my energetic, effervescent self for 2 hours a week. In those two hours I will be one on one with her son. I am so excited to be apart of the 'unlocking' of this little boy. I am looking forward to seeing this program in action and in doing so I hope to further educate myself on treating Autism. Not only for helping Jack. But through all this I think I have found my calling... I would love to work in Early Intervention therapies for Autism Spectrum Disorder. I finally figured out what I want to do in life!!!! I already 'get' their world. I would be perfect in making that 'bridge' between the 2 worlds.
It just shows.. EVERYTHING is meant to be.

No shame...

Yes people I feel no shame whatsoever when it comes my kids or myself. In actual fact I embrace the things that set them apart from the rest.  For example today, I was out to lunch with Knight in Shining Armour and Evangeline (aka Little) and Jack (aka Mr Middle). Jack was (as my husband likes to refer to it as) stimming his balls off. Lots of rocking and humming, playing with his hands and shaking his head. Now some people may sit there and feel embaressed, thinking "Why can't my child behave normally?". But in our case, hubby and I just looked at eachother and beamed. Mr Middle was happy as can be. We could enjoy our lunch for a start and we had awesome entertainment to boot! I had no idea if anyone was watching because I never checked and quite frankly didn't give two hoots if anyone was.
I have come to this place of understanding... I do not want to have my child be like everyone else. I do not want to be like everyone else myself. This isn't about being non-conforming. This is about being yourself without harming others or yourself. This is about having a comfortable space within one's own world. So what if you need to play with your hair to feel 'safe' or if your child needs to cover their ears when the noise becomes too overwhelming. Does it hurt others to do this? The only thing it might hurt is somebody's sense of normality. But as we all say these days "what is normal?".
I say celebrate what sets us and our children apart from the rest! I say yell it from the roof tops! Embrace what makes us unique! If we as adults can show how awesome it is to do this, our children will follow suit! Maybe then we can eradicate bullying and prejudice. Oh a world where we can be excited to share our eccentricities rather than hide those quirky differences. And believe you, me, we ALL have quirks and eccentricities.

oh God...

They say not to discuss religion, politics or sex with friends. And it's true that it can cause great debate and sometimes end friendships. But tonight I can't help myself. I want to talk about God.
I am not religious per se, in fact I don't have a denomination, but I do believe in God. It's funny because my husband doesn't, yet we are married, in love and agree on so many other topics, so I don't see a problem with our differing views on God. I respect my husband's beliefs and I never push mine onto him. As I would never do to anyone.
People's relationships with God can change over time and I have seen people rocked by experiences and situations where they question God, or even God's existence. But in my case those times that are tough, that are scary, that are sad, I find myself asking God for help and not shunning God for what is happening. I realise God is most likely watching, waiting for me to make my epiphany. I am learning from all these experiences and I thank God for giving me the opportunity to brave them and rise above them.
I have heard people ask "Why would God do this?", "Why would God have this person die like this?" or "If God really exists, why would he hurt the good people?". Well the truth is... we all get hurt. If we didn't we wouldn't know pleasure, happiness and joy. Life would be the biggest plod along, numb journey. And the most obvious thing is... Death wouldn't exist if there were no life. Decay is just another part of the living condition. EVERYTHING decays. Yes a lot of it seems unfair... but who said life was meant to be fair?? There is no fair, no just. Some people are given many challenges in their life and others just roll on with a few hiccups. That's the way it is. No rhyme or reason. I was having a chat with my friend K and we were likening  the things that have happened in our lives as cards in a card game. Everyone is dealt a different hand. So yes there are some people who get the Kings or Queens, others get 3's or 4's. But it doesn't mean those who got the so called 'crap cards' can't 'win'. It's all about how you play. It's all about viewing the cards in a different way. I feel I am rocking the hand I got dealt *insert winky face*. But I got a bad poker face hahahahaha, I've got to learn to wipe this smile off my dial!
This isn't a post on getting people to believe in God or whatever. I am simply making an observation. For me God has opened my eyes on a grand scale. I am never, ever angry with God. In fact I am grateful that God has given me the life I have been given. I am not ignorant, I am aware. You can only be super grateful for that. 

Judgement...

Oh do I loath judgement... although I must admit it is all part of the human experience. We all judge to some degree, even if we don't think we do. I am not religious per se, but the only being/thing that can judge is God. Yet we all have preconcieved notions of how things should be and what we should be doing and how we should be reacting and so on and so forth.
The truth is NONE of us should judge another human being until we are PERFECT and believe me nobody is perfect or ever will be. We all make mistakes, we all do things that are questionable, and so there is the hypocrisy in our judgement of others.
As I grow and develop, as I strive to be the best I can be, I try to ensure my lack of judgement on others. It is a difficult task as I think it is ingrained in us from the moment we are on this Earth. Almost like a reflex action, a knee jerk reaction. 
It is so easy to look at someone's situation and say "Oh I would do it so differently". But you are not them. You have not experienced every single experience that person has had. You do not have the exact dynamics of that persons life, their relationships, their moods, their feelings.
I think the path to being a happier person is to let go of judgement. When I am concious of my judgemental thoughts, I quash them and try to think of a positive spin on my thoughts. Give people the "benefit of the doubt". It surprisingly feels good! It's a refreshing change as opposed to continuing on that judgemental line.
Next time you catch yourself thinking "Oh I wouldn't do that" or "Would you just look at that!", take a step back and change your thoughts. It doesn't hurt. I promise *insert that usual winky face*.

Planking...

Yes people, I am going to mention this new phenomenon in a post *shock horror*.

I was trying to figure out what the hell this planking was about and most of all WHY? I even began lengthy discussions with my husband over it. I was quite annoyed at him for pretty much defending it. I'd ask "why??" and he'd respond with "Why not??". I was dumbfounded that people were taking the time to do this and that it was making news. I actually brought it up at a get together of some of my friends and one of their partner's pointed out that it was obviously something worthy of discussion because 'duh' I was indeed discussing it *forehead slap*. So true. I was taking the time to think about it, ponder it, analyse it and then that evening I came home and the epiphany happened. Hubby and I were playing with Liam and by accident we had Liam 'planking'. Liam's Cerebral Palsy renders his whole body very stiff at times, especially when he gets excited or tries to move. So when hubby picked him up over his shoulder Liam immediately became like a 'plank' and I squealed "wait! let me get my camera!!!" *Click* the awesome plank photo was taken and I was hooked!
It is what it is... silly, fun (as long as it is done safely and with common sense). I almost liken it to a philosophy to live by... don't take it all too seriously, don't over analyse and just remember to smile/laugh when you can.
I also think it has something to do with a sense of community, connection and belonging. Maybe society is just becoming too disconnected and people don't know how to relate to eachother anymore, and this is a way of bringing that back? maybe not...
All I can say is, kick back, relax and then lay face down, stiffen up and get your plank on bahahahahaha.