Cherishing Your Cherubs Project Monday Link Up: Remember...

This is the 2nd part of Naomi from Seven Cherubs Cherishing Your Cherubs Project Link Up.
In this post we are to write about something we REMEMBER about our children. It could be their birth story/ies, or a moment you shared with each one, or a major achievement they accomplished.

I have decided to do three different forms of rememberance and chose one for each of my muskateers.
For Liam I will recount when he came home from the hospital and I was a first time mum.
For Jack it will be when he was recovering in hospital from his Open Heart Surgery.
For Evangeline it will be a moment that I found defining in regards to all three of my cherubs yesterday.

Liam
It had been ten days. Ten days of pain, fear, worry. We nearly lost you. I still don't think I fully understood that. I was in a daze.
And here we were on day 10 arriving home. I was nervous, but most of all beyond excited. I was a mum and I had my precious little bundle with me. You were so snug in my arms. Such a bubble of cuteness, all rounded and soft and smooth.
The most vivid memory I have of those first few days at home were the fact I couldn't nap, even though everyone advised me to: "Make sure you sleep when baby does". But I just couldn't. I was bursting with sheer delight. I just wanted to watch you as your chest rose and fell. As you snored, your little baby snore. My eyes were fixed on your little body, your cherubic face. I didn't want to miss a beat. I seriously had to pinch myself. My whole life I dreamed of being a mummy and here I was holding my very own babe.
You were and still are the perfect blend of your daddy and myself. Of course you have my cheeks, the ones that need their own postcode. Bulbous beyond compare. Although I think your sister can now give them a run for their money.
Your hair was as white and pure as the cliched snow. I had never seen a newborn with white as can be hair. And here you were my little Norse god.
At that point we had no idea what lay ahead of you or us. We were just intoxicated by the love we felt for you and so the past and the future didn't even factor into our mind.
Those first few days at home were magic. I am glad we did not know anything at this point. We got to enjoy you for just you Liam. There was no Cerebral Palsy, no Special Needs. Not that those are bad things, but they are extra 'things' that will always be apart of you now, just as my diabetes and my depression will always be apart of me. Baby Liam. The most beautiful baby to have ever existed.

Jack
It was day three post op. You had made such great progress after your Open Heart Surgery. Most of the tubes and wires had been removed as your recovery was steaming long. Daddy had to stay at home with your big brother Liam, whilst you and I were sleeping next to eachother in the Heart Ward.
For a 5 month old you were so placid, so very calm.
I sat next to your cot and would lean my head next to yours on the mattress.
I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically, but your relaxed demeanour soothed me, and encouraged me to let go of the stress. It was as if you were comforting me! I was the baby and you were the adult.
I dressed you in some super bright onesies. They had to have the feet cut out so a monitor could be attached to your toe, testing for heart rate, blood pressure etc. I wish I had kept at least one of them. But I did take lots of photos of you in them Jack. I took lots of photos of you and your chest. You even managed to smile for a few of these shots. What a champ.
I even made sure to take photos of your chest before your surgery, because that was going to be the last time you would be scar free.
While other children sobbed, whinged, screamed through out the ward, you just laid there as cool as a cucumber. The coolest customer. I cannot thank you enough for making the experience for me much less painful than it could've been.
Now you can say not only do you have a wicked scar, but you have the coolest attitude any human could have in that situation. You. Are. One. Cool. Dude.

Evangeline
Every morning at breakfast time I line all three of you up. Evangeline, you are in your high chair. Jack is in his booster chair. Liam is in his wheelchair.
There is a mountain of toast. A vegemite explosion. Or at least that's what appears to have happened if one was to look at the aftermath.
As we all stuff our faces I take the opportunity to perform for my captive audience. You are always the most attentive. Hanging off my every word. Your big brown eyes with eye lashes for days, study me, work their way over my face and follow my waving wildly arms and hands. You are not yet a year old. But you are already doing so much at this age. Doing more than your big brothers did at the same age.
On this particular day I started to sing "Old McDonald Had a Farm", as we do at least once a day. It seems to be everyone's favourite song in this house and I love to keep you kiddies happy, thus I will sing Old Mac until the proverbial cows come home. When it came to the line: ".. and on that farm he had a..", I looked at Liam and Jack, waiting for some sort of sound or movement. I mean I had been working on both their speech therapy using this song, so I was hopeful for a miracle response.
"DUCK!" you chimed.
My jaw dropped. I quickly picked it back up.
"Yes, good work Evy, he had a duck", I beamed.  I was blown away and so proud of you. But this was the moment I knew would stick in my mind like honey, so sweet yet so messy. You see this was the moment you 'over took' your brothers. This was the moment that their 'diffability' became glaringly obvious in our sheltered little bubble of home. Yet it showed me what a clever little baby girl you are and that is what I know we will always focus on from here on in, rather than comparing where each of you were at that same age.

Each one of you are clever and amazing in your own way. And I want you to all know how proud I am of you.

Evangeline.....

This is a blog post solely about my precious daughter. Because I have realised she has featured very little in this blog so far, which doesn't reflect how much I love her, as I love all my precious children equally. She just happens to not have a 'diffability', which could create a somewhat 'wallflower effect', as her brothers and their needs tend to overshadow everything else.

So here's to my Evangeline...

In 3 weeks she will be turning a year old. Where did that year go?!?

Well I tell you where it went...

• a whirl of therapies, assessments, meltdowns (from both myself and my son Jack)
• dealing with nappies and nappies and more nappies
• trying to get sleep and failing

Where does Evangeline factor into this?

• She was the one who would keep herself busy while I fed Liam and was dragged around by Jack
• She came along to every appointment and for the most part was well behaved
• She has let us experience all the 'normal' development and made us feel like first time parents all over again
• Her cute little scrunched up nose grin has melted my heart over and over again
• Her sleep started out great and then has gone down hill since teething... which means we get to sleep with her in our bed (which in someways I secretly love)
• She has grown so quickly and is the reminder I need that life flies by at break neck speed and that I need to slow down and enjoy every little thing, rather than rush to the next stage

Evangeline is the breath of fresh air in our house. She is also the banshee scream that pierces our ears. I love every inch of her plump and dimpled being. Although I could do without her pulling my hair strand by strand at 2 in the morning.

Before Evangeline... I can't even imagine a time before Evangeline. It is like she has always been here. Although I do have a vivid memory of the 'big ultrasound' when I was 20 weeks pregnant with her.. The sonographer pointed to the screen and I just knew when I saw the 'burger' that she was a 'she'. "It's a girl" announced the tech and I squealed with delight, grasping my good friend Nic's hand. Nic and I both chimed together "Evangeline!". The tech looked up, surprised "You already have a name?". Indeed! Jack would've been an Evangeline. I had the name picked out for a few years. It means "Good news". And hell yeah, it was good news and she has been nothing but good news since.

Here is a shameless array of photos of my gorgeous baby girl. I am so blessed....

The 'Burger'!!!

*sorry Evangeline you will kill me for this in about 12 years time

My first hold of Evangeline

Cute as a button!!!

A photograph my sister took when Evy was 3 months old

Everyone say "aaaaaah"

In the ball pit

My ray of sunshine

I am in love



Oh I am so lucky, so blessed. I get to nuzzle into her scrumptious cheeks. Breathe in her 'baby shampoo' scent. Giggle through games of peek-a-boo. Be the recipient of the biggest open hand kisses blown. 

I love my girl. And I'm loving how this blog post has put me in the best mood, the happiest refrain. So I better re-read this at 2am after Evy has pulled half my hair out *insert that tired winky face*  

 

Middle Child Syndrome doesn't exist in our house...

My husband is a 'middle child' and so is his mother. I always worried my Mr Middle aka Jack would suffer the "Middle Child Syndrome", because I can see it does happen to some extent. The eldest gets the attention for being the first, 'paving the way' and so on. The youngest gets the attention because they are the 'baby' and are allowed to get away with murder. Then there's the middle child, who can often get somewhat forgotten about....
Of course with our eldest, Liam, having such a severe physical disability there was always that worry of focussing much more attention on Liam than his siblings. So it was something I was aware of.
My husband still suffers from it a bit. And I remember my mother in law saying "poor Jack will suffer the middle child syndrome too". My inner monologue response was: "Not if I have anything to do with it!", and on the outside I did my usual nod and smile, because I am  a wuss polite.
Funny thing is, Jack had his own thoughts of: "Not if I have anything to do with it!" He went and got himself a Congenital Heart Defect, thus major attention seeking ensued with Open Heart Surgery. Then when we had a sigh of relief after it was all over, he must've thought "Damn I ain't getting this middle child syndrome thing" and it was revealed he has Autism.  Now that's a great way to not be ignored!!
Looking at my blog, so far Jack and his Autism have reigned supreme. But ask most families who have a child on the spectrum and they will say that a lot of the focus, planning and decisions are around the child with ASD. It isn't spoiling them, it is making life much easier and less of an uphill battle for the entire family. This is not to say Jack is more difficult than his brother or sister. He is just very different.. in a good way (and sometimes in a not so good way).
The ironic thing is, is that Jack wouldn't even notice if there was a bit of "middle child syndrome" going on. Well not at this stage. Although he does have an extremely close relationship with me and does show signs of jealousy if I am focussing on Liam or Evangeline. But overall he is happy doing his own thing and doesn't want attention from anyone else.
I am extremely aware of sharing myself around the three. I do spend a lot more time and energy on Jack and I do feel guilty about that, but at the same time I know the effort I put in with Jack over the next few years will be the greatest investment ever for not only him, but the whole family. And besides Liam thinks the sun shines out of Jack's butt! So Liam doesn't get too jealous when I spend time playing with Jack. Instead he just laughs at all the antics, which in turn makes me smile. Then there is Evangeline... all she will ever know is two brothers with special needs Superhero powers! I often worry what kind of life she will experience in her position. How it will affect her. I am hoping it will make her one of the world's most understanding and empathetic humans. I do take out time for her, so we can have our 'girly' days, but she will definately have a lot more on her plate than most girls.
So there you have it. There is no "Middle Child Syndrome" in my house. But I may have to come up with the syndrome name for youngest sibling with exceptional brothers... we shall call it Evangeline Syndrome for the time being *insert winky face*. I will try to feature my dear daughter a bit more in my blog*, because I don't want her reading this when she's older and having a bitch fit about how little she featured adore her to pieces and she needs to be celebrated too, as all our children do, whether they have additional needs or not.

*next post will be an Evangeline special edition

Wordless Wednesday....

I am joining My Little Drummer Boys and Kate Says Stuff  for 'Wordless Wednesday'. Bear with me, I've never done this before and I hope I do it right *insert winky face*

These three photos sum up my three muskateers perfectly ! (sorry I put some words in woops!)

My children's hugs...

I was discussing with my friend J about the hugs I get from my kids. Well actually they are my interpretation of hugging...
You see with Liam, he can't 'wrap' his arms around you to hug, but when you give him a cuddle you can feel his arm muscles tighten and his arms become quite stiff. I call this a massive bear hug, and I relish those from my big boy!

Liam and his bloody huge grin

With Jack it gets a bit complicated, because you may go for some close contact and he could push you away, but then later you may just be standing there minding your own when bam! Jack wraps his little self around your legs and then choofs off again before you've even realised a 'hug' took place. Then there's the times where you go to embrace him and he lets you. I call them reciprocated hugs, even though he doesn't hug back... he is letting me do it, so I take that as a huge sign of affection. Over time I've been getting more and more of those and less of the push aways. I do those hugs with Liam too because he doesn't always have the strength to 'hug' me in his way, but I know that it is reciprocated because he usually has a bloody big grin on his face :-)

Jack getting ready to bite kiss

My little girl is funny because she wants to be held but doesn't want to be hugged, if that makes sense. Everytime I go for the squeeze she wriggles about and seems to want to 'get going'. But I do get a snuggle cuddle with her when we lie down for a nap together or when she screams her way out of her cot and into mummy and daddy's bed to sleep the rest of the night.

I just love rubbing my nose into those collosal cheeks

With all three they let me smooch on their big, plump, juicy cheeks. And that is the most scrumptious part of being a mummy, for me anyways.
After describing these hugs to my friend I realised that some people may beg to differ on what I deem a 'hug' or a 'kiss' (all my children bite me when they 'kiss' me lol). I know my versions must seem so unconventional, but these 'hugs' and 'kisses' are totally normal for me and I cherish every single one of them *cue corny 'aaaaah' sound from sitcom audience*

Life in pictures...

I love photographs. I love looking at other people's photos, I love looking at my own and I love sharing them. Photos can be both very revealing as well as very deceiving.
I thought that I would do a post of parts of my life in pictures today. Just to give you a glimpse into my world. Sometimes photographs can say so much more than words.

My mum when she was pregnant with me, 1979

Mum and I about 6 or 7 months prior to her passing, 1997

My university graduation with my Knight in Shining Armour (the next day I proposed to him) 2004.

My first child, Liam, when he was 2 days old. 2005

Our wedding day. Liam was a lucky little boy to be witness to our official nuptials. 2006

Liam's 1st Birthday. 2006

A flower from one of the many beautiful bunches we received after losing Dylan. 2008

Our 'early bird' Jack (born at 35 weeks gestation) when he was 3 days old. 2009

Jack after his Open Heart Surgery. 2009

The Christmas gift that keeps on giving... my two favourite boys, Jack & Liam. 2009

PINK!! I finally got my little girl, Evangeline. 2010

Well there you have a bit of my life in a nutshell in photos... It doesn't scratch the surface really.

As I blog on I will try to add images that are important/relevant to what I am writing about. 

I also would like to share my love of taking photographs and show you all my artsy fartsy side.
I urge you to take some "relax" time looking back at old photographs you have, of your self, of your family, friends and so on. It will definately bring back a huge blog of memories you can write in your head.

These are a few of my favourite things..

Come on sing it with me!!
 I thought I'd do a little list for tonight's blogging.. of my favourite things. Remember Carson Kressley on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and his term zhushing? Well I'm zhushing my soul today *insert smiley face here*

• Having coffee dates with my eldest son Liam. He loves it! We share cheesecake and cream as we people watch and chat (well I do the chatting, while Liam rolls his eyes laughs at my wittiness). This is a tradition we started from when he was a little wee bubba. It started at Starbucks where the wonderful people who worked there knew Liam by name and our order off by heart. It is now a bit of a rare occurance, so when I ask him if he wants to have a coffee date at the shops with me he waves his arms madly and gives me a great big massive grin.
• Spending time in "Jack World". Oh it's the business!! Whether it's on the trampoline bouncing and rolling around; or running through sheets/blankets (one of his favourite games! and it is a buzz, I recommend you try it people!); spinning around and getting wickedly dizzy (somehow he walks better than me after it); or making funny sounds/noises, "Jack World" is always fun. It's when he looks into my eyes I get this electric bolt through me, (because usually he only gives fleeting eye contact when he wants) so when he makes real eye contact, a magic connection is made and my heart fills like a balloon I almost pop!
• My lazy 'nap times' with Evangeline. We just snuggle up to eachother in bed and I feel that beautiful Mother and Daughter bond. She smiles her 'crinkled-up-nose' grin, says 'mama', and I'm complete.
• I guess I better add something about the hubby.. hahaha. Well he would totally get that. He likes to tell awful jokes and sometimes some really good ones. I love that he makes me smile at least once a day without fail. I think he especially loves the challenge of making me smile when I'm sad. And not a day goes by without some sort of double entendre joke or innuendo (in-your-endo!), and I must admit I'm just as bad at doing that too. If you can't be silly and in our case dirty, at least once a day, well that's a day wasted really.

That's just a taster of  my favourite things. I do have a long list and it will keep growing over time too. Aaaaaah I feel better already. This kind of feels like an Oprah moment. Now for your turn people! Even if it's just a list you pop down on a napkin, I recommend making these favourite things more of a concrete concept, something you can look at and smile about. It will also train your brain to think along more positive lines. We don't realise how much of our minds activity is wasted on more negative or 'blah' things and how it can affect our demeanour in our everyday lives.
Get those rainbows, lollipops and sunshine out people!!

Where to start???

Okay so I have no idea how this will pan out, or play out... sounds like my life really lol. Oh dear I promised myself there'd be no 'lol'ing.
It's probably best I start with who I am...
Purely and simply... I am a 31 year old woman, married to my Knight in Shining Armour, with whom I have three beautiful and amazing children. The 'stranger than fiction' part? Oh well that's here, there and everywhere. Some of my life has been 'the norm' but I would have to say majority of it has been a wicked rollercoaster ride. The ride I think began in my teens when I suffered from Eating Disorders (ok that's probably more the norm thing these days eeek), and got the shock of my life at 15 when I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. My mum actually thought that the diabetes saved my life (from the anorexia and bulimia) but I did have relapses over the years. After the Diabetes diagnosis at 15, my whole family got the worse news ever when my mum was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I was 18, my mum was (ok I won't disclose her age, mum would not be impressed, she liked to keep that one 'mum'). Before I got to graduate from High school my mum passed away. She never got to see me graduate, go to uni, get married, have kids... something a lot of people tend to take for granted. I distinctly remember her saying to me as she was wasting away "The saddest thing is- I will never meet my grandchildren"... that has rung in my ears everyday of my life and has become louder since having my children.
After I graduated from High school I went on to university to study teaching. I partied extremely hard, which 90% of that partying I do regret, but I think that was my way of escaping the pain I felt from the loss of my mum. I suffered great bouts of depression, not knowing what I wanted in life, feeling lost and hopeless. I transferred degrees, then went back again to finish what I started. In that final year of uni I met a much younger man (I was 24, he was 18) and fell head over heels in love. We planned to be together for ever and so I decided to propose to him. Lucky for me, he accepted. Two months later we got a huge surprise... we were expecting a baby (to be born in Sept 2005)!
This was the start of the more major journey we weren't expecting...
The birth was traumatic and had complications. Our first born, Liam started having seizures and apneas after the emergency c-section. Months later we were to discover that the trauma at birth had caused a lifelong disability, severe Spastic Quadraplegic Cerebral Palsy. And so the beginning of an entirely new road... a road only the minority of people will experience.
We thought that our bad luck and traumatising experiences were over. Hmmm not bloody likely.. We wanted a sibling for Liam and fell pregnant in 2007. Half way through the pregnancy my waters broke and I had to give birth to my little boy Dylan, who was too young to survive outside the womb. My heart was broken. What had I done in a past life to get all this bad luck??? Ha! Well that was just the beginning. We became pregnant again in 2008. I was very worried but the pregnancy seemed to go well. Jack made an early appearance at 35 weeks, but he seemed healthy and happy. And we were extremely happy. Until we found out at 4 months old he had a congenital heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot. The only way to fix it was with Open Heart Surgery. I couldn't believe it! So at 5 months old little Jacky had his OHS.
Now for another surprise... this time a good one lol. We were expecting another baby! Jack was only 9 months and we were in shock to say the least. As I neared the end of the pregnancy we started to worry about Jack's development... So he started Speech therapy at 15 months old.
Evangeline was born September 2010 and she was and is perfect! But I think my two boys are perfect too! Just a different kind of perfect. As Evy was blending well into our family, it became more obvious Jack was the 'black sheep'. Now we are on the journey of Jack being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
I know this is a heap of info to read in a first blog entry. My apologies. But I needed a kind of nutshell thing to keep you up to speed as a blog further. I will hopefully have entries organised in themes etc. So you don't have to pour through each individual entry if there is only one or two things you are interested in reading such as info on Cerebral palsy or Depression or Open heart Surgery or... you get the idea.