Monday, 17 October 2011

Ten Things that aren't 10 Things... My First Vlog

I have been challenged by two beautiful Blogger ladies Gemma @ My Big Nutshell and Jess @ Whoa Mamma! to do a "Ten Things You Didn't Know About Me". But I have a feeling some of you may already know what I'm vlogging about. But I didn't know what else to talk about at the moment. It is more of a vlog about why I haven't been blogging much of late.
Having a look at it again, I realise it is a mess of a vlog and doesn't really do anything but maybe bring back a bit of the old Blair Witch Project thing....
But oh well, it's me. It's my first vlog. I apologise in advance.

PS: I forgot to add that I thank those who have said I'm a great mum and it is quite a compliment to be called 'amazing'. But I can assure you I am far, far, far, far from amazing. Just because I have two children with special needs does not make me an exceptional person. But hopefully one day it will turn me into an exceptional person lol. Being a parent is hard no matter what and I take my hat off to all parents trying their best, because that's all you can do is try.


Maryandlil said...

deep to the heart honey xxx

Kate Sins said...

Biggest of hugs, dear Yeran. Love that you did a vlog. So sad that things are overwhelming for you but so excited about Liam. You're so right though, who cares when our kids do anything!? I get so angry with all the 'sleeping through' questions. Grrr...

One step at a time, x

Jess WhoaMamma said...

My dearest girl, how I wish we could be sitting together and having a coffee right now. You could not be more right when you say, all your children need are Love and Hugs. And that's what I'm sending out to YOU sweetheart, all the Love and Hugs imaginable (I hope you feel it). When I say that I admire you, I mean it with all my heart. Life doesn't always happen the way we plan it, but I believe that it presents us with things that in the end let our best qualities Shine. And you, dearest Yeran, maybe you don't feel it right now, but I see a strong, brave, generous soul that has nothing but Love in her heart and will always do the best she can for her darlings. That's the best any parent can do. And as long as your kids know and feel that love, you're doing all the right things. Always here for you sweetie, in any way I can xxxxxxxx

Stranger Than Fiction aka Yeran said...

Nic: thanks hun x

Kate: thanks for the hugs. I don't get those sleeping through questions either!! Why must people compare their children :-( indeed one step at a time and they have to be baby steps ;-) x

Jess: thank you so much Jess. You are such a beautiful lady and I appreciate those beautiful words. xxxx

Gemma @ My Big Nutshell said...

The best 6.02mins I have spent all bloody day dear Yearan. You know I asked you to do the vlog or write something because I know you've been quiet lately and I know you're feeling overwhelmed too. Yes, incredibly.

My husband just heard you crying and he said why is that lady crying and all I said was 'out of all the people I know, she has the hardest job in the world'.

What Jess said too and so clearly all the love in your heart.

That bloody white noise, god it is deafening at times.

Oh darl, I so wish I could hug you now. What you expressed was more than many people can even think in weeks.So much, so much going on in your head and so much work for you to do.

I don't even have any words of wisdom to say Yeran. I heard you and I listened and you vlog was beyond belief. even writing kisses feels daft, I wish there was more.

Natalie @ Mummysmiles said...

Yeran - thank you for sharing 6 minutes of your life with me.

I'm sorry you feel overwhelmed - it's a lonely and horrible feeling.

You have a strong and beautiful spirit and I think those kidlets of yours are truly blessed to have you for their Mama.

I hear you xx

Kellie said...

You've done what you needed to Yeran, you've been honest about how you feel. Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed we don't acknowledge how WE aren't coping or handling, and that's the worst thing we could do.

Love to you, you're a beautiful person x

Stranger Than Fiction aka Yeran said...

Gemma: <3 I don't know what to write in reply to your reply, other than thank you <3 I really didn't think it would have this sort of impact.
One day we will share a real hug. That's a fact :-)

Natalie: thank you x

Stranger Than Fiction aka Yeran said...

Kellie: thank you x

CRAP Mamma said...

Yeran, love, you are doing the very best you can. I don't know you but I still wish I could hug you. I think vlogging in such a raw way is such a good way for 'getting it all out', a catharsis if you will. I'm not sure what els to say except it sounds to me like you're a brilliant mamma xx

CRAP Mamma said...

One thing I also forgot to say Yeran is - you are not alone xx

Miss Mandy said...

Theres so many points I want to touch on here. Firstly people don't say you're amazing because your gifted, but because they are impressed at what a good job you're doing in a tough situation, they look at themselves and think I couldn't be as good as that. (even though they wouldn't know their own strength put in that situation).
I understand the desire to run away. I have three (fit and healthy) children, and I often day dream about walking out the door without a where or why, driving down the road and checking into a motel just so I can sleep, lay and watch TV, simply be in a place where I don't have to talk to anyone.
When people ask about the baby, it's small talk. But I do hear you. It will be obvious when she is walking!
I don't have any answers for you, I know more now than ever as we lead into the final stages of the year we all feel exhausted and drained. As the weather shines and time out over summer approaches I hope it will ease.
congratulations on you vlog, what courage you have. I respect that and appreciate your honesty.

Rhianna said...

Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you and your lovely children. I am so glad I spent my time listening your vlog. It was so open and honest and heartbreaking all at once.

You may think you are just an ordinary woman or mum but I think you are much much more than that.

The curve balls life have thrown you are just crazy, so many for just one person. I have always believed that we are only sent that which we can handle and you make me think it is true. While you might not feel like you are handling it all that well you are.

The fact that you know the most important thing is love and hugs and all that you do and try for your kids means regardless of how you feel, you are coping. Think of all you have been through, it is a sign of you coping.

Much love to you xx

kristy vallely said...

I am blubbering mess crying out loud.... That is the MOST amazing, beautiful most incredible piece of "realness" I have watched in a VERY long time. My heart hurts for you! -your so amazing such an inspiration.. Your soul is so pure and the light shining out is just beautiful - I see this!! Just want to give you the biggest most biggest hug.. Thank you for sharing you! Most of all THANKYOU for being so honest and REAL! BIG LOVE!! - Kristy- The Imperfect Mum Xx

Stranger Than Fiction aka Yeran said...

Mandy: so true about it nearing the end of the year and everyone is just hanging on by a thread. And yes totally understand about the small talk, but I guess I'm a bit fragile when it comes to talk of development after having experienced delays in my first two. Thanks for taking the time to watch and comment xx

Rhianna: thank you so much and big hugs and butterfly kisses back at you xxx

Kristy: thank you ever so much <3 it was definately something I needed to get out. Although I feel bad I've made a lot of people cry :-O I wasn't expecting that lol xxxxxx

Sonia @ Life Love and Hiccups said...

Yeran I don't know you in fact to be honest this is the first time I have visited your blog... But I just want to give you the BIGGEST HUG.
Your vlog was so full of emotion I coulnt help but cry along with you. But honestly - I admire you too.

I am so not the type of person that can show raw emotion like you have done and I wish I could.

Please know that whilst I am sure you have so many people who you actually know, tell you what a wonderful and inspiring soul you are, there are people who only know a smidgen of you (like me) who are also in awe and admiration.

Much much love to you xxx

StrifeSurvivor said...

What a touching and heart felt vlog. My heart just aches for you right now. You are so brave to let it all out and tell it like it is, instead of putting up the 'all's good' facade that so many of us do. Stay strong xxx

Kate said...

Bless you beautiful woman.

You are so often flitting around the blogosphere uplifting people with your beautiful comments. I so hope you are feeling uplifted and cared for too, because truly you are.

It's not the ability or disability of your children that makes you an amazing Mum. It's YOU that makes you an amazing Mum. You yourself are an incredible woman.

Sending so much love.


Jess@Diary of a SAHM said...

It made perfect sense. Absolutely perfect sense. I get that thing about wanting everything and nothing at all.
I have PND and some days I am so sick of feeling miserable, and other days I'm sick of feeling nothing.

Big hugs to you. You will get through this. 'there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.'

Stranger Than Fiction aka Yeran said...

CRAP mamma: thank you xx and yes extremely cathartic

Sonia: thank you, it does mean a lot, even though i don't know everyone personally, the fact that you're all on the same page and understand means the world to me xx

StrifeSurvivor: thank you and yes facades get old and crumbly after awhile hey xx

Kate: thank you! I think you're an amazing mum too!!!! And the fact that we have started a journey at the same time regarding our littlest men and their Awetism, is helping me too xx

Jess: big hugs back at you. PND is oh so bloody hard. Indeed there is light in the morning xxx

Joanne said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. You are so very brave. I really hope you are getting the support you need, if not please contact me, I would love to support you through this time
Well done for sharing,

Crash Test Mummy said...

Being a mum is the hardest thing in the world. I feel overwhelmed all the time. I think we expect more of ourselves than our children do. Hang in there love.

Anonymous said...

You are amazing, Yeran and you are never alone xx

Lea said...

I cry a lot too. Thank you for showing me that I'm not alone. We'll get there.

Stranger Than Fiction aka Yeran said...

Joanne: Thank you. I am very lucky to have such an understanding husband. And a number of close friends and now of course the amazing blogosphere ;-) and thank you for your offer of support, it means a lot xx

Laney: it is definately, without a doubt, the hardest job in the world x

Holly: well I think you're amazing! I love, love, love your blog xx and yes I'm feeling very much NOT alone (thank f*** for the blogosphere yes? lol)

Lea: big hugs to you. We need to remind ourselves that we certainly aren't alone and that there is definately happy times ahead x

Mum's the word said...

Oh gosh I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face! I know exactly what you're going through all the questions and trying to be everything to everyone that was me a year ago.. I was suffering so much and I didn't know why.I felt such guilt for feeling like that because of everyone elses problems were so much worse than mine..Anxiety and depression is such an awful silent suffering and Im so glad you had the guts to post this! I just want to give you a big hug xxxx

Me 'N My Monkeys said...

Such an honest Vlog!
You are an amazing mama. xx


Kirsty@MyHomeTruths said...

Yeran, I'm sorry I took so long to watch this - it was honest, raw and so true. Life is overwhelming at times, particularly when you are dealing with so much. I hope you feel happy again soon and know that you are most definitely not alone.

Stranger Than Fiction aka Yeran said...

Mum's The Word: thank you and big hugs to you <3 it is very much a silent suffering, but we have to learn to talk to people about it so we can get that help, that support xxx

Me 'N My Monkeys: thank you so much xxxx

Kirsty: no need to apologise :-) I really didn't think it would affect and reach so many people. It certainly has helped me and from the response I've gotten, it has helped others which is so important to me. Thank you for watching it xxxx

Leanna said...

I am very impressed at your ability to make yourself so vulnerable! That has to be one of the hardest things to ever do!

As a special needs mom I totally understand your feelings...of feeling overwhelmed, of hating the comparisons of our children, of fighting the days of depression! I think we all go through them and hopefully you can wake up the next day with the sunshine in your heart burning so bright you can't see the negative feelings!

Hang in there, keep your head up and know that all that matters is your family and happiness! Hugs!

edenland said...

Yeran, I just watched this and want to give you the HUGEST hug. XXXX

Stranger Than Fiction aka Yeran said...

Eden, I can feel your hug from here (as you watch Eminem ;-)) xxx