No regrets...

Ok so on that train of thought, I want to quote a bizarre movie- Vanilla Sky.. "Every Passing Minute Is A Chance To Turn It All Around" . This is my way of ensuring I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever. Instead of looking at what I could have done, I can use my energy to figure out what I can do right now, right this moment to make things the best they can be. 
This has certainly come about since finding out about Jack's ASD. There have been moments where I have focussed on what I should've done differently with Jack in his first 2 years. Those moments cripple me, because I know I can't go back in time. It is also well and good having these thoughts with all the hindsight... We had no idea Jack could have Autism. 
Now I have my Vanilla Sky quote embedded in my head, reminding me that it is the here and now that I have an influence over, I can look at all the ways in which I can make things 'better' for my family. And with that in mind I had a huge light bulb the other day....
My husband had been going on about "When I make my man cave.." and I'd laugh and say "Yeah hun whatever". But this time I realised we could make my hubby's dream come true... but he'd have to wait to use it hahahahaha. My idea was to make the "man cave" but it would serve the purpose of a therapy/play room for the two boys in the mean time. You see we have a very small house and it is not designed for a child with CP or a child with Autism really. It's cluttered, it's cramped, it's only three bedrooms (and yes there is five of us!). If I wanted to do the Son-Rise Program with Jack we would need to have a play/therapy room. I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to say "If only we did that Son-Rise Program Jack would be able to function better in society".
So my goal for this year is to get this 'man cave ' happening. Any ideas on how to do it cheaply, but safely would be very much appreciated!

Going 'Back to the Future'....

Are you ready to hop into the De Lorean and 'gun it to 88?' Ok so I will have to add the disclaimer: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.
Now this is something I know I shouldn't do... Going over the past and thinking what I could've done to change things. None of us should do this. It doesn't make anything 'better'. It certainly won't change anything. It most likely will make you feel like crap.
But there are times when I've thought:

• "If only I had spoken up in my obstetric appointment when they had decided to induce my labour with Liam, and had told them I felt safer with a c-section... maybe Liam wouldn't have severe Cerebral Palsy now"
• "If only we had gotten my mum tested earlier for the cancer... maybe she would be here now"
• "If only I had been more focussed at university and finished my degree earlier...then I would've been teaching and earning money for a while so I could've saved before I got married and had children" 

Funnily enough I am actually struggling to think of regrets, because there's a reason all the things have happened to me and these things make up the person I am today. And looking at this list there is only maybes... And maybe Liam was always going to have CP and maybe my mum was going to die of cancer anyway, no matter when we discovered it. And most likely I wouldn't have saved much money after uni if I hadn't gotten into the family way...
Everyday people spend time thinking about the past and what they should've done. It is wasted energy, unless it is used to stop any further preventable incidents. It depletes you if you let it feed on your mind and your heart. It is toxic. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Do not worry about the past, as it is done and finished.
No regrets.. Non, je ne regrette rien

No shame...

Yes people I feel no shame whatsoever when it comes my kids or myself. In actual fact I embrace the things that set them apart from the rest.  For example today, I was out to lunch with Knight in Shining Armour and Evangeline (aka Little) and Jack (aka Mr Middle). Jack was (as my husband likes to refer to it as) stimming his balls off. Lots of rocking and humming, playing with his hands and shaking his head. Now some people may sit there and feel embaressed, thinking "Why can't my child behave normally?". But in our case, hubby and I just looked at eachother and beamed. Mr Middle was happy as can be. We could enjoy our lunch for a start and we had awesome entertainment to boot! I had no idea if anyone was watching because I never checked and quite frankly didn't give two hoots if anyone was.
I have come to this place of understanding... I do not want to have my child be like everyone else. I do not want to be like everyone else myself. This isn't about being non-conforming. This is about being yourself without harming others or yourself. This is about having a comfortable space within one's own world. So what if you need to play with your hair to feel 'safe' or if your child needs to cover their ears when the noise becomes too overwhelming. Does it hurt others to do this? The only thing it might hurt is somebody's sense of normality. But as we all say these days "what is normal?".
I say celebrate what sets us and our children apart from the rest! I say yell it from the roof tops! Embrace what makes us unique! If we as adults can show how awesome it is to do this, our children will follow suit! Maybe then we can eradicate bullying and prejudice. Oh a world where we can be excited to share our eccentricities rather than hide those quirky differences. And believe you, me, we ALL have quirks and eccentricities.

Judgement...

Oh do I loath judgement... although I must admit it is all part of the human experience. We all judge to some degree, even if we don't think we do. I am not religious per se, but the only being/thing that can judge is God. Yet we all have preconcieved notions of how things should be and what we should be doing and how we should be reacting and so on and so forth.
The truth is NONE of us should judge another human being until we are PERFECT and believe me nobody is perfect or ever will be. We all make mistakes, we all do things that are questionable, and so there is the hypocrisy in our judgement of others.
As I grow and develop, as I strive to be the best I can be, I try to ensure my lack of judgement on others. It is a difficult task as I think it is ingrained in us from the moment we are on this Earth. Almost like a reflex action, a knee jerk reaction. 
It is so easy to look at someone's situation and say "Oh I would do it so differently". But you are not them. You have not experienced every single experience that person has had. You do not have the exact dynamics of that persons life, their relationships, their moods, their feelings.
I think the path to being a happier person is to let go of judgement. When I am concious of my judgemental thoughts, I quash them and try to think of a positive spin on my thoughts. Give people the "benefit of the doubt". It surprisingly feels good! It's a refreshing change as opposed to continuing on that judgemental line.
Next time you catch yourself thinking "Oh I wouldn't do that" or "Would you just look at that!", take a step back and change your thoughts. It doesn't hurt. I promise *insert that usual winky face*.

Planking...

Yes people, I am going to mention this new phenomenon in a post *shock horror*.

I was trying to figure out what the hell this planking was about and most of all WHY? I even began lengthy discussions with my husband over it. I was quite annoyed at him for pretty much defending it. I'd ask "why??" and he'd respond with "Why not??". I was dumbfounded that people were taking the time to do this and that it was making news. I actually brought it up at a get together of some of my friends and one of their partner's pointed out that it was obviously something worthy of discussion because 'duh' I was indeed discussing it *forehead slap*. So true. I was taking the time to think about it, ponder it, analyse it and then that evening I came home and the epiphany happened. Hubby and I were playing with Liam and by accident we had Liam 'planking'. Liam's Cerebral Palsy renders his whole body very stiff at times, especially when he gets excited or tries to move. So when hubby picked him up over his shoulder Liam immediately became like a 'plank' and I squealed "wait! let me get my camera!!!" *Click* the awesome plank photo was taken and I was hooked!
It is what it is... silly, fun (as long as it is done safely and with common sense). I almost liken it to a philosophy to live by... don't take it all too seriously, don't over analyse and just remember to smile/laugh when you can.
I also think it has something to do with a sense of community, connection and belonging. Maybe society is just becoming too disconnected and people don't know how to relate to eachother anymore, and this is a way of bringing that back? maybe not...
All I can say is, kick back, relax and then lay face down, stiffen up and get your plank on bahahahahaha.